Saturday, June 14, 2008

Turn On Yer Headlights!

How about dem thunder boomers that keep ripping thru Arlington?!? Where we you when the big storm hit? I was at the Exxon at the end of Lee hwy. It was like BOOM - and all of a'sudden every single trash can at the gas station went flying horizontally through the air 50 yards east. It was like wild.

And we had a doctors appointment west on 50. So of course being dumb we went. And all the power was out. And the traffic was going no where - and there was a scar in the earth where every single tree was twisted down.

And then it hits me, just how bad the economy has reached. I mean, you look out the window and you can see nothing. Rain, and wind, and debris flying through the air -- and some of these poor working stiffs can't afford headlights. I mean, I feel sorry for them. You cant see them for nothing. It must be like the driving version of Russian-Roulette, driving during a thunder boomer without your headlights on. And all I can figure is they dont have the money to buy new headlight bulbs.

It cant be that they just did not turn them on. I mean, it costs nothing to turn headlights on. It does not use up any extra electricity - you got tons of it juicing through your car. It does not decrease your gas mileage. And it makes you massively more visible and safer. (oh yeah, and you avoid getting a traffic ticket and having your car insurance go up - as it is required by law). Only a complete and utter moron would drive during a thunder boomer without headlights on

So for all those poor shmos out there who dont have their car headlights on 'cause they can afford a new light bulb, I say, let's pass the hat, raise that $2 bucks and get them that new light bulb.

And for all those stupid shmos who just plain dont turn them on, are you familiar with the Darwin Awards??


Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Mr. School Chair Guy, Tear Down This Canine Wall!

Every morning I walk to the local elementary school. And every morning my eyes befall hundreds of dogs coming to the school house steps - attempting to get an public education - and getting turned away. Mr. School Board Chairman, Tear Down the Dog Wall!

For odd 50 years now, Arlington County schools have embraced a policy of "Massive Diversity." Arlington Public Schools welcomes kids who have to ride those razor scooter things to school. It welcomes kids from Australia. It welcomes kids from El Salvador. Heck, Arlington Public Schools even welcomes hockey players (although Arlington stops short of providing an Arlington hockey club for Arlington hockey youth).

The heart of Thomas Jefferson's liberal vision of a democratic society is education. Arlington has some of the best schools in the nation. Arlington knows that the journey to the future is down the road named "academics."

And yet every morning, parents walk their pets to local schools - asking for an education - at least I assume they are asking for an education - I dont know why else they would be on school grounds - and every day they are turned away.

I have seen this. I have looked into the eyes of Labradors as they pee on playgrounds, marking the land as their territory. I have seen terriers pooping in the school fields because they were not allowed to use school restrooms. I have seen young pups snarl at each other walking across school grounds, because once again they were turned away. And this is not just an exception. This is not just one canine peeing on a school swingset. No, this is hundreds of dogs, every day, every morning, and every evening - engaged in Gandhiness acts of civil disobedience - willfully ignoring the "No Dogs on School Grounds" sign, wagging across the playgrounds, and demanding an education (of course lacking an education, they probably cant read the "No Dogs on School Grounds" sign).

So I ask you, Mr. School Chair Guy - when are you going to stop your humanist ways - stop discriminating against Canine-Americans - tear down these signs and let these dogs come to school. How many playgrounds have to marked by beagles before they can truly claim them as their own?!.