Thursday, October 30, 2008

WMATA Comes Up with Solution to Overcrowding of Subways: Annoy the Passengers!

We all know that traffic in Washington DC is horrible. The roads are jammed. The subways are sardine cans. The vehicle vandalism lots at the end of the subway lines - you know the ones marked "parking" - are full before the first cars leave the station.

In this environment, everyone must do their part to be part of the traffic congestion solution. Some say - add more trains and train cars. Others say - improve the parking at the end of the line. But these solutions only would increase the number of people riding the subway - and that's not a solution to congestion. You see the problem with that.

No, the solution to congestion is to get rid of the people. And what better way to get rid of subway riders than to annoy them by violating their constitutional rights to be protected from idiotic search and seizure. WMATA has already posted its "Big Brother Is Watching" signs and promises to set up gauntlets at arbitrary stations promising minor thrashings through your personal bags and belongings -- and if you are one of those, as Joe McCain called us, Northern Virginia Communists who believes in the Bill of Rights and dont want to be arbitrarily searched by a goon, you can leave the subway system. Solution achieved! Less people riding the Subway.

We have already seen the effectiveness of this strategy. US Customs has implemented the arbitrary violation of constitutional rights at the border, searching anyone's computer for anything for no good reason. A recent report reveals that these searches have been wholly ineffective - with nothing illegal found. But this is of course errant. Big Brother Border searches have irritated passengers, dramatically reduced travelers, putting airlines into bankruptcy, and thereby reducing travel congestion.

I remember reading a story in colonial America about how the British had grown concern about all the traffic on the roads between the colonies. In response to all of the vehicular, boat, and horse traffic, they instituted a policy of search and seizure of the colonialists and their laptops. I forget how that one turned out. Guess I will have to look it up on Wikipedia to get some accurate information.

Remember, in the immortal words of FDR, "We have nothing but fear!" +

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

let the election day bake sales begin!

Market forcasts for election day bake sales are bullish, even as the market as a whole goes bungy jumping. BobArlington's reporter on the streets just went to the absentee voting poll for arlington where the wait is currently ONE HOUR. This is opportunity. Think of the demand for danishes and coffee come election day with voting lines that long. The PTAs will be able to finance their own bailout of the school system. Which leads to the financial advice: buy share in toll house cookies now!